Motherhood...

Has been much more challenging than I expected. Don't get me wrong I love being a mom, but you don't get days off with this job. Sometimes it can be very overwhelming to know that there is no way out of this job there is no option to quit. It it also hard to accept that I won't always love being a mom, sometimes I will get frustrated and and say or do things that I don't necessary mean.

This past month has been especially trying for me. She has had a cold along with teething and has not been sleeping well and to top it off she has started biting me while nursing. This has put me on edge and at one point I snapped and yelled at Katelyn, I know she didn't understand because she just smiled back at me, which on turn only made me feel worse. I felt guilting for not loving my "job". It is then that I came to the realization that I don't have to alway love it, there are going to be times that I will want to quit and take the easy way out for me and go back to work, because it seems that at this point that would be easier. However the sacrifice that I am making is worth it to me and Paul. These first 5 year are crucial in who Katelyn will become, and any other children we choose to have.

So will this feeling of guilt ever go away? I doubt it. Will I always love my job? doubt that too. But one thing is for sure...In the end it will all be worth it and at the end of the day the smile on my daughter face makes me forget any frustrations the day may have left behind.

In the mean time I really need a couple of hours off to regroup and refresh so that I can be the mom I need to be.